I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They took my balls.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
