Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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