frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
