I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
40s are totally the cure
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
