I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
sex in a hospital.. check
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
