Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
