ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
