sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
