I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
