is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
