so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
