You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
