worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
