Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
