Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My pussy is not your playground.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
