i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
