My liver just broke up with me...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i will never coherently bang her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you didnt know i had herpes?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
