i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
