Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
