Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
