I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
