The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
