Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
