Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
