Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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