She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
