I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
