Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
