just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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