I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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