The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
