oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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