i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
