at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
