He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
