I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you would pick up someone in the library
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up under a house in Key West
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