I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
