don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
