Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
