Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
