Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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