4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
