My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
