Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
