I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
These tits shall not be calmed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
