OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
