i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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