she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
