I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
