There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
